For all of your life , how did you define yourself? On what bases you called yourself a unique creature?
Was it because you were always the prettiest? The smartest? The girl that every guy wanna go out with her? The ambitious one? How confident you were back in the days? 90%? 75 maybe?
Now you are a mom for the first time in your life , in the first year, let's say?
How do you feel? Seriously?
Like nothing!
Waisting your future... The one that is supposed to change the world...
You feel fat and ugly and different?
Like you never wanna have sex with your husband again?
Maybe you feel alone? Because all that you are doing is feeding and changing, with no time even to comb?
Do you feel like everyone else is pitying you? Specially your parents?
Did you feel sometimes that your husband can't shut his eyes ,they are widely open as something hit him in the stomach , and it continued for days?
Did you feel like you are very aware of everybody around you ... And that every single person has something to tell you?
Do you feel like you broke a very high expectations about yourself ?
Why does everybody seem surprised that you are having babies?...???
Ok...try my theory
It's the contradiction between how we ,and people around us think, and how we act... Means , your mom loves to look at you as her beautiful , smart, ambitious, skinny little princess.. With your hair fully and always done , with your face shinning because probably, you are getting enough sleep! And you are all about sophistication ,education and freedom .... But she also wants you to get married,, hmmm!!! And you also need to have babies! Because come on... You are going to be a mother one day... So try yourself for the first baby, then it's ok if you want to wait...
How is that possible? I'll tell you how!
Illusion and denial ! And it's your choice either to go nuts or do it your way,
And that last option take lots of courage and power and confidence and Trust, that you do know what is the best for you.
I'm not outraging or blaming of the purpose of blame and regret... No, it's because we need to understand what happened to us so it will not happen to our daughters, so we can teach our sons how to deal with this dilemma .
I've never been told that I need to educate myself so I can be a better mom for my unborn children.
I've never been told that parenting is sacred and hard and really is a full time job, that can satisfy me .
I've never been told I can change lifes by raising my kids ...only raising them.
I've never been told that it doesn't matter how fat I'll get when I'm pregnant I'm gonna be as beautiful as a blossom that is sacrificing some of her body and looks to give life to another.
I've never been told that I can be whatever I want when I grow up, a rocket scientist , a writer or ,a mother and all choices are equally fine with family and society .
So for me ,and I bet a bunch of women/ girls..... To be a home staying mom is not an option!
You can imagine how hard it must be to be a home staying mom with all that pressure.
Apperantlly I'm writing about it so I'm over it now ... I'm very confident and satisfied and happy with what I'm doing I'm more educated that ever ... And of course more open minded, as I saw this side of everyday life, but it was a long struggle for me and my husband ... I just lost it.......! It was tough.
Definning yourself as something for your whole life and suddenly, discovering that there is more options out there ..so natural and normal ...it's confusing and depressing and long. But things now are more than perfect ... I'm more balanced and going with the flow , it's exhausting but it's paying.
You become like you are the center of this earth.. Everything is depending on you...you are the family,mostly, can anything be as satisfying?
I'm not against working women , never, but for me ,now ,achieving in practical life is costy , it needs to be worth it and in the right time...life is never about finding yourself in a pile of trash, it's about creating yourself... I'm just highlighting parenting as a choice for any well educated ambitious woman
I hope you got the point
This is satisfying.... This is life ... This is my job today.....
Let it be yours .. Enjoy it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is human nature.. we get used to things, it was hard for you to deal with it at the beginning and you resented your reality but now it feels normal in a way.. so we can get used to anything if we want..
ReplyDeleteEven I'm responsible for a house hold now for God's sake! ;)
Others did it, so can we..
Now I have to admit that I used to see having kids as an obstacle too but then I changed the way I thought about it.. I don't really think I "have to choose" between the 2..! I don't see it anymore that it's either me or them..
I agree that they can be part of "making a difference to the world", as you plant in them the summation of your knowledge and experience and they can be more of a motivation rather than obstacles.. but you can still do other stuff for "Manar".
It may be hard at the beginning but you can eventually get used to it too if you're determined.
ok I haven't been there yet and do not know how it's like 100% but I mean it should be temporary till they reach a certain age stage were they are not totally dependent on you.. so then you can have the chance to do sth or continue the pursuit of success and fulfill you ambitions .. at least bit by bit.. specially in your case, if you still wanna write, you'll always have your pen, or your laptop ;) wherever you go..
In the worst case if you felt they're really standing in your way.. Sinan of course can always quit and baby sit ;) you just need to write a bunch of best sellers to afford that ;P and I can see you doing that BTW..
Oh God I now need to buy all the copies to prove I was right :S JK, u know me.. ;)
Bottom line, if you have the will you can achieve anything you want.. I don't have kids now and I wanna do lots of things but I'm just sitting on my ass doing nothing :S we can either be brilliant in coming up with excuses or in finding our way to do what ever we want.. it's up to us.. we choose..
Exactly the point ... You feel like I ,or any mom, needs to be more than a mom so you can accept or see achieving..... This post is exactly about this point of view you have just shared.... Thanx asoom :)
ReplyDeleteI have written sth,, where is it??
ReplyDeleteYeeee,, i have to say it again but it was on the spot!! What i want to say is that ive almost cried when i read this manar its true and satisfying,, when i started reading the questions u were asking at the beginning my answer was that am proud of myself becuz am a mom ive never been proud of myself for anything,, honestly i didnt see myself as the pretty smart girl and was proud of!! " although i am ;p " but now manar am very proud of myself and happy becuz am a mom,, i dont think am a perfect teacher or even trying to be but i think am a perfect mom or at least struggling to be. Thats why God has created us Women, to be perfect moms so we can make a perfect world :)))
ReplyDeleteI know :) you are a great mom, and honestly u look more balanced and together than ever... I'm glad u relate to what I discovered :) keep it up great mom... Thanx for reading...
ReplyDelete