If you don't have this problem, you are very lucky. If you have a coporative mom who totally understands and supports you, I wish you all the luck and happiness and I wish to be you also!
But, what's really happening is that our moms can be our worst nightmares after delivering and having babies , for me I call it a complete waste of energy and emotions , because you repeatedly expect your mother to be there for you all the time, but that is not how it works, I know....... you feel like you are sharing the same experience , which is really unexpected , but believe it or not, it's happening.
now the day dreaming is on. she will be very helpful, she will teach you everything, she will support you when you get criticized , she will always make you feel good , now that you Are having a baby of your own, you will be her baby again,,, ahhhhhh so relieving , soooo nice .
Except! That is not the truth, that is not how it is.
Your mom will become one of your biggest troubles once you have a baby, maybe not instantly , but after 6 months at most, you will start to feel it.
She will not stop telling you what to do and not to do without even bother to hear you out.
She will say something then when you listen and do it , she will criticize it too!
She will start telling you all these stories about how she raised you and your brothers and sisters without any help and it was easy and she was perfect, but you , you can't even deal with that one little baby, and instead of giving you some advises on how to do that , she will keep beating you up, and it hurts!
She will be so contradicted , she will make you schizophrenic .
She will be like this......
Too cold put something on him.... Too hot why he is wearing all these clothes (same weather, but you are always wrong).
If you are out for two days in a row.... Why you are always out your baby needs to settle!
If you are in too days in a row.... Your baby needs to go out, why you are not moving, you are too lazy!
If you bought something for your baby that is kind of cheap or an outlet.... Poor baby why you are buying him these cheap stuff??
If you bought on regular price from a good place... He is a baby, he is growing up so fast, that's just too expensive, where do you find your money?
No chocolate!!! Oh give him some chocolate it's ok.
And not to forget judging you in front of people, some you know and some you are meeting with for the first time.
The list goes endlessly, your mom will always find something to make you feel bad!
The thing is why? I actually asked my mother that question a thousand time . The answer was : me ? No way, I'm trying to help
Once again I'm not criticizing to make you feel bad or me or moms, I'm telling the untold stuff (hopefully) so you can discuss it with your beloved mom, I don't have any doubts that moms have all the love on earth for us, I'm a mother too, it will be too harsh to say that they are doing that from lack of love , or they trying to be mean, no!
They just need to be more considerate of our feelings.
Mom, being your daughter doesn't mean that I dont get affected by your words, and it doesn't mean that I don't take you seriously, I do take you very seriously and I want you to do the same for me, I'm a grown up now, I even have my own baby!!!! Ya!! Just be there for me
One last thing , our daughters will be moms one day , please don't forget not to treat them as you were treated by your mom specially, and people around you in general. It's a thing to remember .
Keep it in your mind.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Shopping .... For your soul
I've lived my last 10 years following the idea of being perfect... I always thought of myself as perfect, and if I was on some moments or occasions not perfect,,, in my mind {that's only because it's a part of the process, so it's ok because I'm on the holy quest of being perfect} .
I wanted to be pretty, educated, sexy, stylish, deeply sophisticated, a good wife , a lovable mom , an amazing daughter, the best friend you can ever have , very updated with with all the books and technology in this earth, I want to have money but I want to get through with my higher education. I want to learn languages, to write, to be a politician.... I wanted to cook for my husband whatever he likes to eat out in a fancy restaurant, I wanted to have above all that a clean nice home.... And I wanted to be all the above and more.
Guess what??? I couldn't , it was exhausting! It drove me crazy, And I'm pretty sure, that what I've just mentioned was what 75% of women wanted as well... That's why we loose ourselves ( women) chasing the uncatchable.
So after I became a mother, it feels like I matured, at once, and I quit being perfect, because trying to be perfect, dealing with a baby along with all other stuff in my life, made me realize it doesn't worth it!! I know it's shocking to say it doesn't worth it but, what I did was, that I shopped for my soul,mind ,and body.
I chose to be me instead of being perfect, because once you put your feet in that area of having babies along with 2nd or 3rd pregnancy you will ask a lot of questions about how really you want to live this life as a part of a family, and you will need to compromise and get over it. Maybe before that you will be ready to achieve your dream and your parents dream and maybe a friend's dream or any other dream that will pop up in a movie or in a song, but, after being a mom it will be one perfected image about how you want to deal with your reality and your real dream.
Don't get me wrong , maybe in the second post and this you will be saying... does she want us to give up and stop dreaming and so on so on.....?
Not at all, I still have big dreams of my own, and I'll be working on that , but I know , I'm sure that when you will start looking at everything around you differently... You will find your genuine self and once you find it , you will be more confident and happier than ever. You will be really doing what you always wanted to do but you didn't know, because you were very busy collecting whatever your eyes caught,
maybe its the 20s , who knows.. But I know for sure that being a mom was an ending to my puzzled mind, that put it into a better healthier shape, that organized my priorities and made me realize that I need to use every hour in my life the right way.
I'm basically decluttering... Did you ever hear about decluttering your stuff?
Ok it goes like this, if you have a bunch of clothes or books or kitchen ware , or anything else that's just sitting there without any use .. It will harm you, because it will make you feel like you have a lot of stuff , so you will not go out and choose new clothes or books or whatever stuff you want, because you think you have too much of it , that you are not even using... So you prison yourself in your old unused things , and prevent yourself from exploring whatever there is outside for you.... What I did was, that I get rid of most of my old thoughts and unachievable
or unreal, unwanted dreams .... Cleared my mind and let it look around, then shop whatever it wanted, I explored a whole new world, I let the energy flow into my head and body and I let it change the broken parts in my soul and body.....
An ancient chinese philosophy suggesting similar way of thinking, except it has many more details into it. Its called (feng shui) , ok,long story short, it tells you, in order to bring new things (energy)into ur life you need to give or loose the old rusty parts and let the energy seek you, it's not going to flow if your life is full, there will be no space. And I did that for my body and soul and mind not only for my closet or home ..... Try it, it goes very well with you moms, moms to be, or you.
All the luck .
I wanted to be pretty, educated, sexy, stylish, deeply sophisticated, a good wife , a lovable mom , an amazing daughter, the best friend you can ever have , very updated with with all the books and technology in this earth, I want to have money but I want to get through with my higher education. I want to learn languages, to write, to be a politician.... I wanted to cook for my husband whatever he likes to eat out in a fancy restaurant, I wanted to have above all that a clean nice home.... And I wanted to be all the above and more.
Guess what??? I couldn't , it was exhausting! It drove me crazy, And I'm pretty sure, that what I've just mentioned was what 75% of women wanted as well... That's why we loose ourselves ( women) chasing the uncatchable.
So after I became a mother, it feels like I matured, at once, and I quit being perfect, because trying to be perfect, dealing with a baby along with all other stuff in my life, made me realize it doesn't worth it!! I know it's shocking to say it doesn't worth it but, what I did was, that I shopped for my soul,mind ,and body.
I chose to be me instead of being perfect, because once you put your feet in that area of having babies along with 2nd or 3rd pregnancy you will ask a lot of questions about how really you want to live this life as a part of a family, and you will need to compromise and get over it. Maybe before that you will be ready to achieve your dream and your parents dream and maybe a friend's dream or any other dream that will pop up in a movie or in a song, but, after being a mom it will be one perfected image about how you want to deal with your reality and your real dream.
Don't get me wrong , maybe in the second post and this you will be saying... does she want us to give up and stop dreaming and so on so on.....?
Not at all, I still have big dreams of my own, and I'll be working on that , but I know , I'm sure that when you will start looking at everything around you differently... You will find your genuine self and once you find it , you will be more confident and happier than ever. You will be really doing what you always wanted to do but you didn't know, because you were very busy collecting whatever your eyes caught,
maybe its the 20s , who knows.. But I know for sure that being a mom was an ending to my puzzled mind, that put it into a better healthier shape, that organized my priorities and made me realize that I need to use every hour in my life the right way.
I'm basically decluttering... Did you ever hear about decluttering your stuff?
Ok it goes like this, if you have a bunch of clothes or books or kitchen ware , or anything else that's just sitting there without any use .. It will harm you, because it will make you feel like you have a lot of stuff , so you will not go out and choose new clothes or books or whatever stuff you want, because you think you have too much of it , that you are not even using... So you prison yourself in your old unused things , and prevent yourself from exploring whatever there is outside for you.... What I did was, that I get rid of most of my old thoughts and unachievable
or unreal, unwanted dreams .... Cleared my mind and let it look around, then shop whatever it wanted, I explored a whole new world, I let the energy flow into my head and body and I let it change the broken parts in my soul and body.....
An ancient chinese philosophy suggesting similar way of thinking, except it has many more details into it. Its called (feng shui) , ok,long story short, it tells you, in order to bring new things (energy)into ur life you need to give or loose the old rusty parts and let the energy seek you, it's not going to flow if your life is full, there will be no space. And I did that for my body and soul and mind not only for my closet or home ..... Try it, it goes very well with you moms, moms to be, or you.
All the luck .
Monday, November 1, 2010
Accepting yourself as a mom!
For all of your life , how did you define yourself? On what bases you called yourself a unique creature?
Was it because you were always the prettiest? The smartest? The girl that every guy wanna go out with her? The ambitious one? How confident you were back in the days? 90%? 75 maybe?
Now you are a mom for the first time in your life , in the first year, let's say?
How do you feel? Seriously?
Like nothing!
Waisting your future... The one that is supposed to change the world...
You feel fat and ugly and different?
Like you never wanna have sex with your husband again?
Maybe you feel alone? Because all that you are doing is feeding and changing, with no time even to comb?
Do you feel like everyone else is pitying you? Specially your parents?
Did you feel sometimes that your husband can't shut his eyes ,they are widely open as something hit him in the stomach , and it continued for days?
Did you feel like you are very aware of everybody around you ... And that every single person has something to tell you?
Do you feel like you broke a very high expectations about yourself ?
Why does everybody seem surprised that you are having babies?...???
Ok...try my theory
It's the contradiction between how we ,and people around us think, and how we act... Means , your mom loves to look at you as her beautiful , smart, ambitious, skinny little princess.. With your hair fully and always done , with your face shinning because probably, you are getting enough sleep! And you are all about sophistication ,education and freedom .... But she also wants you to get married,, hmmm!!! And you also need to have babies! Because come on... You are going to be a mother one day... So try yourself for the first baby, then it's ok if you want to wait...
How is that possible? I'll tell you how!
Illusion and denial ! And it's your choice either to go nuts or do it your way,
And that last option take lots of courage and power and confidence and Trust, that you do know what is the best for you.
I'm not outraging or blaming of the purpose of blame and regret... No, it's because we need to understand what happened to us so it will not happen to our daughters, so we can teach our sons how to deal with this dilemma .
I've never been told that I need to educate myself so I can be a better mom for my unborn children.
I've never been told that parenting is sacred and hard and really is a full time job, that can satisfy me .
I've never been told I can change lifes by raising my kids ...only raising them.
I've never been told that it doesn't matter how fat I'll get when I'm pregnant I'm gonna be as beautiful as a blossom that is sacrificing some of her body and looks to give life to another.
I've never been told that I can be whatever I want when I grow up, a rocket scientist , a writer or ,a mother and all choices are equally fine with family and society .
So for me ,and I bet a bunch of women/ girls..... To be a home staying mom is not an option!
You can imagine how hard it must be to be a home staying mom with all that pressure.
Apperantlly I'm writing about it so I'm over it now ... I'm very confident and satisfied and happy with what I'm doing I'm more educated that ever ... And of course more open minded, as I saw this side of everyday life, but it was a long struggle for me and my husband ... I just lost it.......! It was tough.
Definning yourself as something for your whole life and suddenly, discovering that there is more options out there ..so natural and normal ...it's confusing and depressing and long. But things now are more than perfect ... I'm more balanced and going with the flow , it's exhausting but it's paying.
You become like you are the center of this earth.. Everything is depending on you...you are the family,mostly, can anything be as satisfying?
I'm not against working women , never, but for me ,now ,achieving in practical life is costy , it needs to be worth it and in the right time...life is never about finding yourself in a pile of trash, it's about creating yourself... I'm just highlighting parenting as a choice for any well educated ambitious woman
I hope you got the point
This is satisfying.... This is life ... This is my job today.....
Let it be yours .. Enjoy it.
Was it because you were always the prettiest? The smartest? The girl that every guy wanna go out with her? The ambitious one? How confident you were back in the days? 90%? 75 maybe?
Now you are a mom for the first time in your life , in the first year, let's say?
How do you feel? Seriously?
Like nothing!
Waisting your future... The one that is supposed to change the world...
You feel fat and ugly and different?
Like you never wanna have sex with your husband again?
Maybe you feel alone? Because all that you are doing is feeding and changing, with no time even to comb?
Do you feel like everyone else is pitying you? Specially your parents?
Did you feel sometimes that your husband can't shut his eyes ,they are widely open as something hit him in the stomach , and it continued for days?
Did you feel like you are very aware of everybody around you ... And that every single person has something to tell you?
Do you feel like you broke a very high expectations about yourself ?
Why does everybody seem surprised that you are having babies?...???
Ok...try my theory
It's the contradiction between how we ,and people around us think, and how we act... Means , your mom loves to look at you as her beautiful , smart, ambitious, skinny little princess.. With your hair fully and always done , with your face shinning because probably, you are getting enough sleep! And you are all about sophistication ,education and freedom .... But she also wants you to get married,, hmmm!!! And you also need to have babies! Because come on... You are going to be a mother one day... So try yourself for the first baby, then it's ok if you want to wait...
How is that possible? I'll tell you how!
Illusion and denial ! And it's your choice either to go nuts or do it your way,
And that last option take lots of courage and power and confidence and Trust, that you do know what is the best for you.
I'm not outraging or blaming of the purpose of blame and regret... No, it's because we need to understand what happened to us so it will not happen to our daughters, so we can teach our sons how to deal with this dilemma .
I've never been told that I need to educate myself so I can be a better mom for my unborn children.
I've never been told that parenting is sacred and hard and really is a full time job, that can satisfy me .
I've never been told I can change lifes by raising my kids ...only raising them.
I've never been told that it doesn't matter how fat I'll get when I'm pregnant I'm gonna be as beautiful as a blossom that is sacrificing some of her body and looks to give life to another.
I've never been told that I can be whatever I want when I grow up, a rocket scientist , a writer or ,a mother and all choices are equally fine with family and society .
So for me ,and I bet a bunch of women/ girls..... To be a home staying mom is not an option!
You can imagine how hard it must be to be a home staying mom with all that pressure.
Apperantlly I'm writing about it so I'm over it now ... I'm very confident and satisfied and happy with what I'm doing I'm more educated that ever ... And of course more open minded, as I saw this side of everyday life, but it was a long struggle for me and my husband ... I just lost it.......! It was tough.
Definning yourself as something for your whole life and suddenly, discovering that there is more options out there ..so natural and normal ...it's confusing and depressing and long. But things now are more than perfect ... I'm more balanced and going with the flow , it's exhausting but it's paying.
You become like you are the center of this earth.. Everything is depending on you...you are the family,mostly, can anything be as satisfying?
I'm not against working women , never, but for me ,now ,achieving in practical life is costy , it needs to be worth it and in the right time...life is never about finding yourself in a pile of trash, it's about creating yourself... I'm just highlighting parenting as a choice for any well educated ambitious woman
I hope you got the point
This is satisfying.... This is life ... This is my job today.....
Let it be yours .. Enjoy it.
Hi!
I'm starting this blog as a try to help myself and as much women as I can, because, how I see it , it's a real challenge for moms in our society, I'm open to all kinds of opinions and points of view. All I'm looking forward to ,is to share my personal experience,and from observing moms around me both in Jordan and the Us.
being a mom .. A thing that I've never imagined , expected or have been ready for . And I can loudly say, it's a tough experience , astonishing and life changing one ..... Please feel free to leave your comments , basically what I'm doing is a kind of brain storming.... I hope You will get something out of it.
being a mom .. A thing that I've never imagined , expected or have been ready for . And I can loudly say, it's a tough experience , astonishing and life changing one ..... Please feel free to leave your comments , basically what I'm doing is a kind of brain storming.... I hope You will get something out of it.
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