Your new family, that is your husband/ wife , and your baby/babies. I wanted to write about everyone of them by itself , but It didn't work , because they are a unit, and they have a double effect on you and it's paradoxal , so I decided they are going to stick together.
Accepting your family will be in volumes , like a chain following what's new, what's worth mentioning for a little family like mine and yours.
Having problems accepting new people, take place in our lives is normal and it should be expected, like when you have a new colleuge at your new job, or your in laws who are becoming a part of your life and you are developing a new relation with them, no pressure! Whatever! :D
You know these kind of people that you can't avoid and you want to deal with, because you need to, that eventually you figure something to make you look good and feel good at the same time, it's manageable , it allllll goooooood..
Having a husband and a baby is a different story, you think, how hard it could be?? Marrying your fiancé , or your boyfriend?? He is in my face all the time anyway, but do you remember how hard it was, and it's still hard in some ways , you are living with a new man! He is not even a girl that she can gets you, no it's a boy, ya! Be my guest ,, and read the book, whatever the planet they are coming from that we don't belong to!
Anyway, you get the point! The surprise is , once you are getting used to deal with the boy you are living with, you get pregnant, you will never be ready to THAT kind of change even if you are getting ready, I put myself into the process of becoming pregnant for a year , and a whole year of marriage before it and still, I'm in my second pregnancy and I still find it hard to expect and accept things about this swee journey of becoming a mom
From the very first day after giving birth, you will start being a mom, with all the pain and discomfort you are feeling, you need to stand up for
yourself and your baby, especially if you are a stand up girl in general and you are independent in your thoughts and way of living , there will be sleepless nights , many of them.
You will be spending hours reading books and searching the net for answers how to Deal with that little creature , not to forget taking hours of crying and screaming for no obvious reason, and it's all your responsibility.
Many of you moms, knows that your husband can turn into jerks! Either because he is so surprised and can't deal with the new scary situation!!!! Or because he thinks it's too much for him to handle and it's your job anyway!!!! So he disappeared or seems too surprised and withdrawn from his own family. It can't be right!
You husbands need to stand up for your new babies as well, I'm not saying like instantly accepting your little boy/girl, because even mothers don't accept them that fast , it's weried , yes we know! But at least you need to be there for your wife , the one that you adore, that took you for your bad and good, managed everything in your life so everything will be good, even if it is not that good, she was there for you , she learned how to cook for you, she dressed nicely for you, at least she listened! Don't tell me she didn't do that.
Even if she wasn't the greatest wife, it's a very critical , emotional time for women after giving birth, in such situations, unfortunatelly , fixing and helping is not the mom role, she can't get herself out of it, she needs her husband in the first place , her family and friends, it's a
situation that acquire full support from people around , so be there daddy , she will be needing you to comfort her , to listen, to take care of
her, make her feels like nothing is more important or beautiful as she is in the moment, let her make sure that nothing can harm her or her little baby as long as you are here. Be a man, don't be a child who once again can get out of it by being grumpy or nervous .
Now guys, it's your time to prove that you have changed and grew up.
Moms, new moms, moms to be . Tell your man what you need, before you give birth , sit down with him , talk to him, tell him it's going to be hard on both of you , and tell him it's one of the times that he needs to do it all, be the father the husband and the man any woman need, remind him that you love him , and there's a new baby who is coming to make you a bigger sweeter family, tell him that he can be frustrated or surprised , but remind him that he can share whatever he feels, anything!
And you , be accepting , don't tell him to spill it all then storm on him, listen , and also when you feel he has gone too far , remind him that you don't want to hear this or that, that you wish he can gets it by himself, and give him enough space to figure things out and to do things his way, you will love it. When you see him grow emotionally in front of you, you will know he needed you.
Too much work for you?? If you think he is grown emotionally better than you are, and you are the one in the relationship who needs a push or the space , let him know too.
You, the husband, take care of her , give her some space to give you what she wants , appreciate the little things, we put all our emotions in small stuff to tell you things about ourselves and what we need, open your eyes, it's not supposed to be all obvious, you will be board , live the adventure with your wife , the mother of your children, it's worth it. I bet she is in love with you, madly in love , but you can't figure it out and she can't quite feel it because you are always away some how.
Family, family with no love is nothing, and you are powerless without love , love is your tool to reach your goals and be satisfied , find the hidden love in your family life, somebody needs to stand up , find who is the best match for that , or upgrade yourself to be the stand up member, you choice . Decide.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
A mom for you .... Mom !
If you don't have this problem, you are very lucky. If you have a coporative mom who totally understands and supports you, I wish you all the luck and happiness and I wish to be you also!
But, what's really happening is that our moms can be our worst nightmares after delivering and having babies , for me I call it a complete waste of energy and emotions , because you repeatedly expect your mother to be there for you all the time, but that is not how it works, I know....... you feel like you are sharing the same experience , which is really unexpected , but believe it or not, it's happening.
now the day dreaming is on. she will be very helpful, she will teach you everything, she will support you when you get criticized , she will always make you feel good , now that you Are having a baby of your own, you will be her baby again,,, ahhhhhh so relieving , soooo nice .
Except! That is not the truth, that is not how it is.
Your mom will become one of your biggest troubles once you have a baby, maybe not instantly , but after 6 months at most, you will start to feel it.
She will not stop telling you what to do and not to do without even bother to hear you out.
She will say something then when you listen and do it , she will criticize it too!
She will start telling you all these stories about how she raised you and your brothers and sisters without any help and it was easy and she was perfect, but you , you can't even deal with that one little baby, and instead of giving you some advises on how to do that , she will keep beating you up, and it hurts!
She will be so contradicted , she will make you schizophrenic .
She will be like this......
Too cold put something on him.... Too hot why he is wearing all these clothes (same weather, but you are always wrong).
If you are out for two days in a row.... Why you are always out your baby needs to settle!
If you are in too days in a row.... Your baby needs to go out, why you are not moving, you are too lazy!
If you bought something for your baby that is kind of cheap or an outlet.... Poor baby why you are buying him these cheap stuff??
If you bought on regular price from a good place... He is a baby, he is growing up so fast, that's just too expensive, where do you find your money?
No chocolate!!! Oh give him some chocolate it's ok.
And not to forget judging you in front of people, some you know and some you are meeting with for the first time.
The list goes endlessly, your mom will always find something to make you feel bad!
The thing is why? I actually asked my mother that question a thousand time . The answer was : me ? No way, I'm trying to help
Once again I'm not criticizing to make you feel bad or me or moms, I'm telling the untold stuff (hopefully) so you can discuss it with your beloved mom, I don't have any doubts that moms have all the love on earth for us, I'm a mother too, it will be too harsh to say that they are doing that from lack of love , or they trying to be mean, no!
They just need to be more considerate of our feelings.
Mom, being your daughter doesn't mean that I dont get affected by your words, and it doesn't mean that I don't take you seriously, I do take you very seriously and I want you to do the same for me, I'm a grown up now, I even have my own baby!!!! Ya!! Just be there for me
One last thing , our daughters will be moms one day , please don't forget not to treat them as you were treated by your mom specially, and people around you in general. It's a thing to remember .
Keep it in your mind.
But, what's really happening is that our moms can be our worst nightmares after delivering and having babies , for me I call it a complete waste of energy and emotions , because you repeatedly expect your mother to be there for you all the time, but that is not how it works, I know....... you feel like you are sharing the same experience , which is really unexpected , but believe it or not, it's happening.
now the day dreaming is on. she will be very helpful, she will teach you everything, she will support you when you get criticized , she will always make you feel good , now that you Are having a baby of your own, you will be her baby again,,, ahhhhhh so relieving , soooo nice .
Except! That is not the truth, that is not how it is.
Your mom will become one of your biggest troubles once you have a baby, maybe not instantly , but after 6 months at most, you will start to feel it.
She will not stop telling you what to do and not to do without even bother to hear you out.
She will say something then when you listen and do it , she will criticize it too!
She will start telling you all these stories about how she raised you and your brothers and sisters without any help and it was easy and she was perfect, but you , you can't even deal with that one little baby, and instead of giving you some advises on how to do that , she will keep beating you up, and it hurts!
She will be so contradicted , she will make you schizophrenic .
She will be like this......
Too cold put something on him.... Too hot why he is wearing all these clothes (same weather, but you are always wrong).
If you are out for two days in a row.... Why you are always out your baby needs to settle!
If you are in too days in a row.... Your baby needs to go out, why you are not moving, you are too lazy!
If you bought something for your baby that is kind of cheap or an outlet.... Poor baby why you are buying him these cheap stuff??
If you bought on regular price from a good place... He is a baby, he is growing up so fast, that's just too expensive, where do you find your money?
No chocolate!!! Oh give him some chocolate it's ok.
And not to forget judging you in front of people, some you know and some you are meeting with for the first time.
The list goes endlessly, your mom will always find something to make you feel bad!
The thing is why? I actually asked my mother that question a thousand time . The answer was : me ? No way, I'm trying to help
Once again I'm not criticizing to make you feel bad or me or moms, I'm telling the untold stuff (hopefully) so you can discuss it with your beloved mom, I don't have any doubts that moms have all the love on earth for us, I'm a mother too, it will be too harsh to say that they are doing that from lack of love , or they trying to be mean, no!
They just need to be more considerate of our feelings.
Mom, being your daughter doesn't mean that I dont get affected by your words, and it doesn't mean that I don't take you seriously, I do take you very seriously and I want you to do the same for me, I'm a grown up now, I even have my own baby!!!! Ya!! Just be there for me
One last thing , our daughters will be moms one day , please don't forget not to treat them as you were treated by your mom specially, and people around you in general. It's a thing to remember .
Keep it in your mind.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Shopping .... For your soul
I've lived my last 10 years following the idea of being perfect... I always thought of myself as perfect, and if I was on some moments or occasions not perfect,,, in my mind {that's only because it's a part of the process, so it's ok because I'm on the holy quest of being perfect} .
I wanted to be pretty, educated, sexy, stylish, deeply sophisticated, a good wife , a lovable mom , an amazing daughter, the best friend you can ever have , very updated with with all the books and technology in this earth, I want to have money but I want to get through with my higher education. I want to learn languages, to write, to be a politician.... I wanted to cook for my husband whatever he likes to eat out in a fancy restaurant, I wanted to have above all that a clean nice home.... And I wanted to be all the above and more.
Guess what??? I couldn't , it was exhausting! It drove me crazy, And I'm pretty sure, that what I've just mentioned was what 75% of women wanted as well... That's why we loose ourselves ( women) chasing the uncatchable.
So after I became a mother, it feels like I matured, at once, and I quit being perfect, because trying to be perfect, dealing with a baby along with all other stuff in my life, made me realize it doesn't worth it!! I know it's shocking to say it doesn't worth it but, what I did was, that I shopped for my soul,mind ,and body.
I chose to be me instead of being perfect, because once you put your feet in that area of having babies along with 2nd or 3rd pregnancy you will ask a lot of questions about how really you want to live this life as a part of a family, and you will need to compromise and get over it. Maybe before that you will be ready to achieve your dream and your parents dream and maybe a friend's dream or any other dream that will pop up in a movie or in a song, but, after being a mom it will be one perfected image about how you want to deal with your reality and your real dream.
Don't get me wrong , maybe in the second post and this you will be saying... does she want us to give up and stop dreaming and so on so on.....?
Not at all, I still have big dreams of my own, and I'll be working on that , but I know , I'm sure that when you will start looking at everything around you differently... You will find your genuine self and once you find it , you will be more confident and happier than ever. You will be really doing what you always wanted to do but you didn't know, because you were very busy collecting whatever your eyes caught,
maybe its the 20s , who knows.. But I know for sure that being a mom was an ending to my puzzled mind, that put it into a better healthier shape, that organized my priorities and made me realize that I need to use every hour in my life the right way.
I'm basically decluttering... Did you ever hear about decluttering your stuff?
Ok it goes like this, if you have a bunch of clothes or books or kitchen ware , or anything else that's just sitting there without any use .. It will harm you, because it will make you feel like you have a lot of stuff , so you will not go out and choose new clothes or books or whatever stuff you want, because you think you have too much of it , that you are not even using... So you prison yourself in your old unused things , and prevent yourself from exploring whatever there is outside for you.... What I did was, that I get rid of most of my old thoughts and unachievable
or unreal, unwanted dreams .... Cleared my mind and let it look around, then shop whatever it wanted, I explored a whole new world, I let the energy flow into my head and body and I let it change the broken parts in my soul and body.....
An ancient chinese philosophy suggesting similar way of thinking, except it has many more details into it. Its called (feng shui) , ok,long story short, it tells you, in order to bring new things (energy)into ur life you need to give or loose the old rusty parts and let the energy seek you, it's not going to flow if your life is full, there will be no space. And I did that for my body and soul and mind not only for my closet or home ..... Try it, it goes very well with you moms, moms to be, or you.
All the luck .
I wanted to be pretty, educated, sexy, stylish, deeply sophisticated, a good wife , a lovable mom , an amazing daughter, the best friend you can ever have , very updated with with all the books and technology in this earth, I want to have money but I want to get through with my higher education. I want to learn languages, to write, to be a politician.... I wanted to cook for my husband whatever he likes to eat out in a fancy restaurant, I wanted to have above all that a clean nice home.... And I wanted to be all the above and more.
Guess what??? I couldn't , it was exhausting! It drove me crazy, And I'm pretty sure, that what I've just mentioned was what 75% of women wanted as well... That's why we loose ourselves ( women) chasing the uncatchable.
So after I became a mother, it feels like I matured, at once, and I quit being perfect, because trying to be perfect, dealing with a baby along with all other stuff in my life, made me realize it doesn't worth it!! I know it's shocking to say it doesn't worth it but, what I did was, that I shopped for my soul,mind ,and body.
I chose to be me instead of being perfect, because once you put your feet in that area of having babies along with 2nd or 3rd pregnancy you will ask a lot of questions about how really you want to live this life as a part of a family, and you will need to compromise and get over it. Maybe before that you will be ready to achieve your dream and your parents dream and maybe a friend's dream or any other dream that will pop up in a movie or in a song, but, after being a mom it will be one perfected image about how you want to deal with your reality and your real dream.
Don't get me wrong , maybe in the second post and this you will be saying... does she want us to give up and stop dreaming and so on so on.....?
Not at all, I still have big dreams of my own, and I'll be working on that , but I know , I'm sure that when you will start looking at everything around you differently... You will find your genuine self and once you find it , you will be more confident and happier than ever. You will be really doing what you always wanted to do but you didn't know, because you were very busy collecting whatever your eyes caught,
maybe its the 20s , who knows.. But I know for sure that being a mom was an ending to my puzzled mind, that put it into a better healthier shape, that organized my priorities and made me realize that I need to use every hour in my life the right way.
I'm basically decluttering... Did you ever hear about decluttering your stuff?
Ok it goes like this, if you have a bunch of clothes or books or kitchen ware , or anything else that's just sitting there without any use .. It will harm you, because it will make you feel like you have a lot of stuff , so you will not go out and choose new clothes or books or whatever stuff you want, because you think you have too much of it , that you are not even using... So you prison yourself in your old unused things , and prevent yourself from exploring whatever there is outside for you.... What I did was, that I get rid of most of my old thoughts and unachievable
or unreal, unwanted dreams .... Cleared my mind and let it look around, then shop whatever it wanted, I explored a whole new world, I let the energy flow into my head and body and I let it change the broken parts in my soul and body.....
An ancient chinese philosophy suggesting similar way of thinking, except it has many more details into it. Its called (feng shui) , ok,long story short, it tells you, in order to bring new things (energy)into ur life you need to give or loose the old rusty parts and let the energy seek you, it's not going to flow if your life is full, there will be no space. And I did that for my body and soul and mind not only for my closet or home ..... Try it, it goes very well with you moms, moms to be, or you.
All the luck .
Monday, November 1, 2010
Accepting yourself as a mom!
For all of your life , how did you define yourself? On what bases you called yourself a unique creature?
Was it because you were always the prettiest? The smartest? The girl that every guy wanna go out with her? The ambitious one? How confident you were back in the days? 90%? 75 maybe?
Now you are a mom for the first time in your life , in the first year, let's say?
How do you feel? Seriously?
Like nothing!
Waisting your future... The one that is supposed to change the world...
You feel fat and ugly and different?
Like you never wanna have sex with your husband again?
Maybe you feel alone? Because all that you are doing is feeding and changing, with no time even to comb?
Do you feel like everyone else is pitying you? Specially your parents?
Did you feel sometimes that your husband can't shut his eyes ,they are widely open as something hit him in the stomach , and it continued for days?
Did you feel like you are very aware of everybody around you ... And that every single person has something to tell you?
Do you feel like you broke a very high expectations about yourself ?
Why does everybody seem surprised that you are having babies?...???
Ok...try my theory
It's the contradiction between how we ,and people around us think, and how we act... Means , your mom loves to look at you as her beautiful , smart, ambitious, skinny little princess.. With your hair fully and always done , with your face shinning because probably, you are getting enough sleep! And you are all about sophistication ,education and freedom .... But she also wants you to get married,, hmmm!!! And you also need to have babies! Because come on... You are going to be a mother one day... So try yourself for the first baby, then it's ok if you want to wait...
How is that possible? I'll tell you how!
Illusion and denial ! And it's your choice either to go nuts or do it your way,
And that last option take lots of courage and power and confidence and Trust, that you do know what is the best for you.
I'm not outraging or blaming of the purpose of blame and regret... No, it's because we need to understand what happened to us so it will not happen to our daughters, so we can teach our sons how to deal with this dilemma .
I've never been told that I need to educate myself so I can be a better mom for my unborn children.
I've never been told that parenting is sacred and hard and really is a full time job, that can satisfy me .
I've never been told I can change lifes by raising my kids ...only raising them.
I've never been told that it doesn't matter how fat I'll get when I'm pregnant I'm gonna be as beautiful as a blossom that is sacrificing some of her body and looks to give life to another.
I've never been told that I can be whatever I want when I grow up, a rocket scientist , a writer or ,a mother and all choices are equally fine with family and society .
So for me ,and I bet a bunch of women/ girls..... To be a home staying mom is not an option!
You can imagine how hard it must be to be a home staying mom with all that pressure.
Apperantlly I'm writing about it so I'm over it now ... I'm very confident and satisfied and happy with what I'm doing I'm more educated that ever ... And of course more open minded, as I saw this side of everyday life, but it was a long struggle for me and my husband ... I just lost it.......! It was tough.
Definning yourself as something for your whole life and suddenly, discovering that there is more options out there ..so natural and normal ...it's confusing and depressing and long. But things now are more than perfect ... I'm more balanced and going with the flow , it's exhausting but it's paying.
You become like you are the center of this earth.. Everything is depending on you...you are the family,mostly, can anything be as satisfying?
I'm not against working women , never, but for me ,now ,achieving in practical life is costy , it needs to be worth it and in the right time...life is never about finding yourself in a pile of trash, it's about creating yourself... I'm just highlighting parenting as a choice for any well educated ambitious woman
I hope you got the point
This is satisfying.... This is life ... This is my job today.....
Let it be yours .. Enjoy it.
Was it because you were always the prettiest? The smartest? The girl that every guy wanna go out with her? The ambitious one? How confident you were back in the days? 90%? 75 maybe?
Now you are a mom for the first time in your life , in the first year, let's say?
How do you feel? Seriously?
Like nothing!
Waisting your future... The one that is supposed to change the world...
You feel fat and ugly and different?
Like you never wanna have sex with your husband again?
Maybe you feel alone? Because all that you are doing is feeding and changing, with no time even to comb?
Do you feel like everyone else is pitying you? Specially your parents?
Did you feel sometimes that your husband can't shut his eyes ,they are widely open as something hit him in the stomach , and it continued for days?
Did you feel like you are very aware of everybody around you ... And that every single person has something to tell you?
Do you feel like you broke a very high expectations about yourself ?
Why does everybody seem surprised that you are having babies?...???
Ok...try my theory
It's the contradiction between how we ,and people around us think, and how we act... Means , your mom loves to look at you as her beautiful , smart, ambitious, skinny little princess.. With your hair fully and always done , with your face shinning because probably, you are getting enough sleep! And you are all about sophistication ,education and freedom .... But she also wants you to get married,, hmmm!!! And you also need to have babies! Because come on... You are going to be a mother one day... So try yourself for the first baby, then it's ok if you want to wait...
How is that possible? I'll tell you how!
Illusion and denial ! And it's your choice either to go nuts or do it your way,
And that last option take lots of courage and power and confidence and Trust, that you do know what is the best for you.
I'm not outraging or blaming of the purpose of blame and regret... No, it's because we need to understand what happened to us so it will not happen to our daughters, so we can teach our sons how to deal with this dilemma .
I've never been told that I need to educate myself so I can be a better mom for my unborn children.
I've never been told that parenting is sacred and hard and really is a full time job, that can satisfy me .
I've never been told I can change lifes by raising my kids ...only raising them.
I've never been told that it doesn't matter how fat I'll get when I'm pregnant I'm gonna be as beautiful as a blossom that is sacrificing some of her body and looks to give life to another.
I've never been told that I can be whatever I want when I grow up, a rocket scientist , a writer or ,a mother and all choices are equally fine with family and society .
So for me ,and I bet a bunch of women/ girls..... To be a home staying mom is not an option!
You can imagine how hard it must be to be a home staying mom with all that pressure.
Apperantlly I'm writing about it so I'm over it now ... I'm very confident and satisfied and happy with what I'm doing I'm more educated that ever ... And of course more open minded, as I saw this side of everyday life, but it was a long struggle for me and my husband ... I just lost it.......! It was tough.
Definning yourself as something for your whole life and suddenly, discovering that there is more options out there ..so natural and normal ...it's confusing and depressing and long. But things now are more than perfect ... I'm more balanced and going with the flow , it's exhausting but it's paying.
You become like you are the center of this earth.. Everything is depending on you...you are the family,mostly, can anything be as satisfying?
I'm not against working women , never, but for me ,now ,achieving in practical life is costy , it needs to be worth it and in the right time...life is never about finding yourself in a pile of trash, it's about creating yourself... I'm just highlighting parenting as a choice for any well educated ambitious woman
I hope you got the point
This is satisfying.... This is life ... This is my job today.....
Let it be yours .. Enjoy it.
Hi!
I'm starting this blog as a try to help myself and as much women as I can, because, how I see it , it's a real challenge for moms in our society, I'm open to all kinds of opinions and points of view. All I'm looking forward to ,is to share my personal experience,and from observing moms around me both in Jordan and the Us.
being a mom .. A thing that I've never imagined , expected or have been ready for . And I can loudly say, it's a tough experience , astonishing and life changing one ..... Please feel free to leave your comments , basically what I'm doing is a kind of brain storming.... I hope You will get something out of it.
being a mom .. A thing that I've never imagined , expected or have been ready for . And I can loudly say, it's a tough experience , astonishing and life changing one ..... Please feel free to leave your comments , basically what I'm doing is a kind of brain storming.... I hope You will get something out of it.
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